What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

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TEXT:

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

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Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Why do people see porn pics when they can watch porn videos instead?

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

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And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Why do some women squirt and some don't?

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

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Make Nazis afraid again!

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Is it true that most Indian men are gay and they just hide their feelings?

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

How many books do you read in a week and what are they, could you share one?

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

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Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

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¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

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Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.